A Reflection on Being White and Exploring my Bias
What I bring with me tonight is confusion about my upbringing. When I was a little girl, we had a maid who was black. We all adored her. In many ways I spent more time with her than I did with my own mom. Clara taught me how to iron, chased me with a wet rag she would snap on the back of my thigh when I misbehaved, and lit up every time I walked into the room. She felt like a family member to me who came on Tuesdays and Thursdays. She rode the bus across town and had a long walk from the bus stop to our house. At Christmas time we would go to her house and see her husband and daughter. We would take them all Christmas presents. As a kid I thought they were happy to see us. As an adult I wonder how true that was. I wish I knew what her true experience of us was. Clara mothered me in ways that were very important to me. I worry and wonder if I treated her with the respect she deserved.
In college I was lucky enough to take trainings with the Racial Awareness Pilot Program at the University of Cincinnati. It was there that I started to unlearn some things and learn new things. After college, I remember hearing someone use the n-word. I scolded that person, telling them it was wrong to use that word and they told me “You’re young. You don’t know what you’re talking about or how these people are. When you get older, you’ll understand.” One does not need to be grown to know using that word is wrong.
I know this sounds stupid but I do have friends who are black. My sentence is not finished there as it is for many – as a way to say they are not racist. With my friends, I acknowledge race and invite conversation, not to be taught but to acknowledge. I don’t say that to mean that I understand everything about racism. Or that this proves that I am not racist. I say that to acknowledge that I am in process and that while I have learned a great deal from the Racial Awareness Pilot Program in college and my Black friends, I see now that there is so much more for me to learn. And I am grateful for this circle. I see that the majority of my learning today is about understanding my whiteness, how it came to be, to understand more about the racist systems in our country and culture, and to learn about dismantling those. I know that caring for Black people and appreciating their culture is not enough. I see now that it is my job to take action to help myself understand my whiteness more deeply and to participate in my culture in a way that helps others to as well.
I’ll admit, I am overwhelmed by the idea of trying to dismantle systems. Dismantle systems? How? Being white, it’s easy to choose how and where and when I want to step forward. But it’s important not to hide anymore. It’s important to challenge myself. I already feel overwhelmed and tired. When I feel like I want to step back from the issues of racism, I feel shame. I can step back because I’m white. That is white privilege. How do I fully examine and understand my whiteness? I write and read and watch. I create a practice where we talk about social justice. And when I fall short, I hear the call to step forward again and I do better.
Amy Stenger-Sullivan (she/her/hers) is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor-Supervisor, trainer and CEO of Rooted Compassion Counseling and Consulting, LLC. As a Certified Trauma Responsive Counselor, Amy understands and applies knowledge of interpersonal neurobiology, Polyvagal Theory and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). She specializes in utilizing and teaching about the nervous system to help people move into post-traumatic healing and growth.
The Rooted Compassion team is made up of a group of counselors who have a variety of specialties in order to best serve our clients. We recognize that every person has his/her own personal and unique life experiences and that one modality will not work for every client. Listed below is a summary of our counselors’ specialties at Rooted Compassion:
Emotional Freedom Techniques
Grief Counseling
Somatic Focused Counseling
EMDR
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Dialectical Behavior Therapy
Mindfulness-Based Practices
Trauma Responsive Care Techniques
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
Motivational Interviewing
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Rooted Compassion Counseling is Ohio’s leading practice for trauma therapy through the lens of the nervous system. Our focus is to walk alongside clients as they heal from depression, anxiety, trauma, grief and/or loss. If you or someone you know are seeking to explore and build an inner sense of calm and safety, please contact us today. We would love to help you to find a counselor and counseling techniques that will guide you on your mental health journey to healing.
