A Look into What I Have Learned About my Nervous System and the Polyvagal Theory While Working for a Mental Health Counselor
As I watched my sweet boy climb the stairs of the bus and settle down into his seat, I realized as I waved goodbye, I was saying goodbye to a chapter of my own life.
The chapter where I get to keep him all to myself day in and day out. The chapter where he is safe between the walls of our home. The chapter where I see and hear everything that influences him. We closed that chapter at 12:37pm on Monday, August 30th. As that big yellow school bus drove away, it took my beautiful baby boy with it and a piece of my heart.
To be honest, I didn’t expect the tears, or the butterflies, or the feeling that I was doing something wrong.
My heart was screaming at me, “This isn’t right. Go get him!” My heart knew that he belonged with me and not on that bus. Now obviously, my brain knew otherwise—that this is the next step in my baby boy’s life and it was totally normal for a Kindergarten-aged kid to ride the bus to his Kindergarten classroom. But, all of the common sense in the world couldn’t get through to my aching heart, which is when the waterworks began. Tears flowed down my face as I pushed the stroller with my three-year-old twin girls in it and my husband walked beside me rubbing my back. We headed home, just the four of us, and our oldest child on his next big adventure.
I am no expert. I am not here to provide facts or stats, but simply my own personal experience with the beginning of this next chapter of life. We are on week 4 and the butterflies have disappeared, and my aching heart is on the mend. Parenting is relentless, it is painful, it is an ever-evolving process. With that being said, my hope is that through these aches and pains of motherhood I can come out the other side a more loving, patient, confident, grounded, and positive influence in the lives of my children and those around me.
As a first-time Kindergarten mom (but again, not an expert) I think these would be my top three pieces of advice when preparing to watch your first-born baby walk onto the school bus for the first time…
Expect the unexpected.
Take time that day to reflect. Think of all the ways your son/daughter has grown through the years and be thankful for that growth.
Talk about what you’re feeling to someone close to you.
I started working with Amy this past May. As you know I have a Kindergartener, but I also have two twin three-year-old girls. After my girls were born, I stopped working to stay home with my three kids (almost all under two). As they have grown, I started to feel a tug that I wanted to do more, that I had time in my days to be doing more, so I got online and started the job search, which is when Amy and I connected.
Before working with Amy, I never would have noticed my nervous system reactions or truly understand what they were trying to tell me.
For example, when my heart started racing and my palms started sweating as my son stepped onto the school bus. As my heart raced and my palms clammed up, I noticed, and I was able to recognize what was happening to my body and my mind. This realization helped me to calm my body, by taking deep breaths and by accepting the comforting gestures from my husband. Learning about the Polyvagal Theory, my nervous system, and how to take a moment to recognize my body’s reactions has helped me process situations with others and with myself in a more effective and positive way.
I know I have so much more to learn about the Polyvagal Theory and how I can directly apply its teachings to my life. In just these short couple of months, my mental health wellness and awareness has greatly increased by taking what I am learning while working at Rooted Compassion Counseling and applying it to my daily life as a mother, wife, daughter, sister, and friend.
So, let me ask you this.
Can you recall a time when you felt your heart rate increase? Or your stomach all in knots? Or your hands start to sweat?
Can you recall a time when you couldn’t recognize your emotions and didn’t know how to react to the things you were feeling?
I can. The first that comes to my mind is my son’s first day of Kindergarten, but there have been so many other times since then, too. Our bodies and minds are so deeply connected, and our nervous system is always the first to react.
Now that I know this, I am able to recognize my emotions and react in a way that is both positive and healthy (maybe not all the time, but I am a work-in-progress).
Amy Stenger-Sullivan is the founder and CEO of Rooted Compassion Counseling and Consulting —she has built this counseling practice on the principles of the Polyvagal Theory and continues to teach other counselors, therapists, and social workers about Polyvagal counseling and how it can help them and their clients. Rooted Compassion Counseling and Consulting counselors specialize in the following areas:
Somatic therapy
Trauma therapy
EMDR therapy
Grief
Anxiety
Depression
PTSD
I am not a counselor, however, I have learned so much already from the counselors at Rooted Compassion Counseling and Consulting and don’t plan to stop learning any time soon! If you want to learn more about the Polyvagal Theory, check out the resources on our Rooted Compassion Counseling website. There’s more on the Polyvagal Institute’s website, too.
If you or someone you may know are looking for therapy, please reach out to us. We would love to hear from you.
Jordan is Rooted Compassion Counseling and Consulting’s Client Care Specialist. She takes all incoming calls and works to update the website and our social media accounts. She has been home raising her three children for the past three and a half years and started working part-time at Rooted Compassion back in May 2021.
