Grief Chose Me.
In grad school to earn my Master's in Counseling degree a few years ago, I recall one of my professors saying, “we often don't choose our area of expertise, it chooses us.” This thought stayed with me. Fast forward to today. I'm now a Licensed Professional Counselor, with one of my specialties being grief counseling. Grief “chose” me, and it is my honor and privilege to sit with folks in the midst of their pain over the loss of a loved one, a relationship, a beloved pet, a career, a dream, a relocation, or any other loss that is impacting their life and/or ability to function in optimal ways.
Grief is universal and unique, complex and simple, painful and beautiful. It is a normal part of life and death, and yet one that culturally, we are not very prepared to handle. The grieving process will be as individual as each one of us, and cannot be bound by a certain amount of time or wrapped up in a neat package with only one “right way” to grieve.
My own experiences with grief and loss are numerous and varied. Both my grandfathers had passed before I knew them, but I knew my grandmothers. My mom's mother lived with us from the time I was in 8th grade and I felt very close to her. I lost both my grandmothers in my mid-20's, and my father-in-law and my mother in my mid 30's. I've grieved a teen and a young adult who died in separate tragic accidents. I've lost many friends through cancer and other illnesses. More recently, in the last 17 months, I've lost three of my dear friends and three honored elderly relatives. I've also witnessed others grieve the loss of babies in the womb through miscarriage and stillbirth. It doesn't matter how old someone was when they passed. If the relationship was meaningful and loving, or there was a sense of connection, the pain of loss is just as real.
“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.”
If you are grieving or in a state of bereavement now, please be gentle with yourself. This time of year, both the cloudier skies of autumn and entering the holiday season of “cheer and merry-making”, can feel particularly draining, heavy, and triggering when you are in a season of grief. I invite you to give yourself all the time and space you need, to SIT with your grief and loss while you heal:
SIT
S – Slow down. Allow yourself to take the “sacred pauses” in moments throughout your day. Slow down and pay attention to what you are paying attention to. Take a few deep breaths, inhale peace, exhale a little longer, letting out stress. Give yourself permission to remember and honor your loved one and the special times you shared together.
I – Interpret. Name what you are feeling and notice where you may be feeling any sensations in your body. Neuroscientist Dr. Daniel J. Siegel coined the term, “name it to tame it”. We can calm our brain, mind, and body by focusing on naming the emotion we are feeling. Is it sadness? Is it loneliness? Anger? Confusion? By naming the emotion and noticing any associated body sensations we may feel at that time, we can more easily bring a state of felt safety and ease to our nervous system.
T – Train. Much like an athlete or musician trains, you can use intentional focus to train your brain, mind, body, soul and spirit to integrate the experience of grief, to honor it. This discipline of training involves many different skills and tools that can be practiced and learned over time, including mindfulness, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) techniques, Somatic Experiences, yoga (Paul Denniston offers yoga expressly for grief www.griefyoga.com), journaling, etc. By allowing yourself to SIT with the grief, in small, manageable amounts, you will be helping yourself heal and move through the grieving process with less suffering.
We are thrilled to have Brenda as a part of the Rooted Compassion team and to learn more from Brenda in her specialties, like grief counseling, and from her life experiences.
The Rooted Compassion team is made up of a group of counselors who specialize in different areas in order to best serve our clients. We recognize that every person has his/her own personal and unique life experiences and that one modality will not work for everyone. Listed below is a summary of our counselors’ specialties at Rooted Compassion:
Emotional Freedom Techniques
Grief Counseling
Somatic Focused Counseling
EMDR
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Dialectical Behavior Therapy
Mindfulness-Based Practices
Trauma Responsive Care Techniques
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
Motivational Interviewing
If you are interested in learning more about what Rooted Compassion is all about, please contact us today, look through our website, or find us on Instagram and Facebook.
Rooted Compassion Counseling is Ohio’s leading practice for trauma therapy through the lens of the nervous system. Our focus is to walk alongside clients as they heal from depression, anxiety, trauma, grief and/or loss. If you or someone you know are seeking to explore and build an inner sense of calm and safety, please contact us today. We would love to help you to find a counselor and counseling techniques that will guide you on your mental health journey to healing.
