Simplifying the Polyvagal Theory, Part 1: How Being in Touch with Your Nervous System Changes Everything
Someone asked me to write one blog to simplify the Polyvagal Theory. It’s not that easy. This is the first in a series of blogs to explain the Polyvagal Theory, how it affects your nervous system and ultimately your mental health. I share this information through story and weave in the principles of the theory.
On March 10, 2007, I was scheduled to teach pregnancy massage to 65 people at the American Massage Therapy Association, Kentucky Spring Conference. The class was part lecture, part demonstration and part hands-on. The class started at 9 am and went until 5 pm. At 8:15 that morning, my now ex sister-in-law told me over the phone that my mom had died the night before. We knew she was in the dying process but did not expect it so soon. I was stunned, afraid and so sad. When I told the women who hired me to teach that day about her passing, she gave me the option to stay or leave. I knew she wanted me to stay. I could hear it in the tone of her voice and see it in the set of her eyes. No one else could teach the class. The participants had paid their money and were expecting their CEU’s which were due soon in Kentucky I decided to stay and teach. My mom was gone, after all.
I knew I would be unable to manage all of the invisible work of teaching 65 adults, like holding space and energy, moving around the room providing eye contact, facial expressions and tone of voice to keep the students engaged. I decided to tell the students about my mom and ask for their cooperation in helping things run smoothly. I told them I needed them to be on their “best behavior.” I also told them I would not be able to receive sympathy and asked them to please not give me puppy dogs eyes, offer words of compassion or hug me.
At this point in my life, I did not know anything about the Polyvagal Theory, but I knew everything.
I knew that tone of voice, touch and facial expressions could move me to a different state of being. I knew that compassion would bring tears that day and once I started, my limbic system would be activated, and I would not stop crying. I needed my frontal cortex to stay online and that required being treated as if the death of my mother had not just happened.
I managed as best I could through the lecture and when we moved into the hands-on portion, which allowed for more eye contact and touch, I felt more emotional. There were a few women I noticed near the front of the room who were doing the job I asked of them. Faces set with concentration, compassion (not sadness) and positive energy, I felt them will me through the day. It was a hard day, the hardest of my life, and I was grateful to get to the car and express my emotions.
A few months later, I was teaching again in Kentucky and noticed a familiar face in the room. It was Flossy. Flossy was one of the women who held energy and space for me the day my mom died. Through a hug and some tears, I was able to thank her for her presence that day. I learned about offering compassion and strength to others from Flossy’s face, not her words or even overt actions. She taught me so much about attachment and connection that day.
I learned that attachment and connection to others is deeply rooted in all of us, in our nervous system, and it takes very slight changes to affect ourselves and those around us.
Principles of the Polyvagal Theory (PVT) from this story:
Hearing Matters: What we hear affects the state of our nervous system very deeply. Consider what happens to you when you hear a baby cry or laugh, first responder sirens, ocean waves, or a friendly voice. These likely elicit different responses from you.
Facial Expressions: Our facial expressions impact how others feel around us. And theirs affect us. It doesn’t take a big smile or frown, either. Even small changes in our facial expressions can affect if others feel safe with us.
Nervous System First: It is our nervous system that directs our emotions, not our mind. More on this in our next blog about the Polyvagal Theory.
This story speaks, in part, about the social engagement that Dr. Porges highlights in the PVT. In future blogs, I will expand on this aspect of the PVT and share about mobilization and immobilization of the nervous system.
We ground our mental health counseling practice in compassion, connection and resilience and approach the journey of healing through the lens of the Polyvagal Theory. My hope is that these blogs can help provide further understanding of the Polyvagal Theory both in counseling and everyday life.
Photos:
Photo by Ben Masora on Unsplash
Photo by Mayron Oliveira on Unsplash
Photo by Alicia Petresc on Unsplash
Photo by Bekir Dönmez on Unsplash
Amy is the founder and CEO of Rooted Compassion Counseling and Consulting. She is a therapist, trainer, and consultant. She is an expert in the Polyvagal Theory and specializes in trauma, EMDR, Somatic Focused Counseling, and several other modalities. She also serves as a facilitator of SoulCollage and Writing Circles.
The Rooted Compassion team is made up of a group of counselors who have a variety of specialties in order to best serve our clients. We recognize that every person has his/her own personal and unique life experiences and that one modality will not work for every client. Listed below is a summary of our counselors’ specialties at Rooted Compassion:
Emotional Freedom Techniques
Grief Counseling
Somatic Focused Counseling
EMDR
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Dialectical Behavior Therapy
Mindfulness-Based Practices
Trauma Responsive Care Techniques
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
Motivational Interviewing
Gottman Couples Counseling
If you are interested in learning more about what Rooted Compassion is all about, please contact us today, look through our website, or find us on Instagram and Facebook.
Rooted Compassion Counseling is Ohio’s leading practice for trauma therapy through the lens of the nervous system. Our focus is to walk alongside clients as they heal from depression, anxiety, trauma, grief and/or loss. If you or someone you know are seeking to explore and build an inner sense of calm and safety, please contact us today. We would love to help you to find a counselor and counseling techniques that will guide you on your mental health journey to healing.
