Cincinnati Therapist Finds Comfort in the Winter Months and Other Challenging Times
In the midst of the pandemic, I read Katherine May’s book Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times. She makes a case for embracing the change in seasons and settling into, rather than resist the cold dark nights. She writes, “Once we stop wishing it were summer, winter can be a glorious season in which the world takes on a sparse beauty and even the pavements sparkle. It’s a time for reflection and recuperation, for slow replenishment, for putting your house in order.” The timely publishing of her book came during a time when many of us needed to find ways to weather a long winter without the regular festivities of seeing family and friends.
Yet, her words resonated deeply with me beyond that first pandemic winter, as her book makes a case for how to embrace winter as a time to slow down and care for the self.
In Nordic cultures, winter is welcomed as a time to embrace all things cozy or “hygge.” I witnessed this on my first trip to Norway. It was late September, but already the conversation with my Norwegian and Swedish colleagues at dinner was about preparing for the long dark winter. They shared favorite recipes, discussed their favorite places to cross country ski by moonlight, and craft or interior home improvement projects they planned to do. The bookstore was packed with paperbacks and people were buying stacks of 5-10 high to prepare for the long nights. They spoke with excitement and a sense of longing that I had never experienced for winter.
As we move into the winter season–or any challenging time in life when we may need to extend more kindness and care to ourselves–
I find Rick Hanson’s HEAL framework to be particularly meaningful because it presents a way to infuse little bits of goodness into our everyday lives.
HEAL stands for:
H: have a beneficial experience
E: expand that experience in some way
A: absorb the good feelings fully
L: link to this memory when you encounter a challenging situation
The process begins by having a beneficial experience. Often, you can find these moments in your everyday life. For example, one friend described the first sip of hot coffee in the morning, another the smell of her shampoo, and for myself it is putting on a pair of my favorite fuzzy socks. On days where you need more care, you may need to create a beneficial experience like indulging in a long shower or bath, calling a dear friend, or taking a nap. On the harshest days of winter, I often get a reprieve by going to an indoor greenhouse or conservatory to soak up the warmth and lush color of the plant life.
Next, your aim is to somehow extend and fully absorb the experience.
Often this means just slowing down enough to recognize and tune into the senses and fully embrace this kind act. A colleague makes a cup of tea in the afternoon and fully immerses herself in the first three sips, slowing down to fully taste, smell, and soak up a moment of calm and peace. In the cold months of winter, I allow myself 5 more minutes of snooze time in bed to enjoy the warmth and softness of my sheets before getting up. Another idea is to choose one song per day to fully give yourself over to without multitasking, and maybe even dancing or singing along.
Hanson describes linking as optional, but when we have a library of these good moments in our memory, they can be used to help us get through hard times. We can call upon them in times of stress and remember that a little moment of happiness is never far away.
In the framework of the Polyvagal theory, we call this savoring.
Savoring is reflecting or remembering while engaging all of our senses.
One of the lessons I took away from the book on “wintering” is to take a cue from mother nature. Instead of working against my natural desire for more sleep, rest and quietude in the winter months, to trust this is part of the necessary cycle. Yet in our culture slowing down can feel like a radical act. I find the HEAL framework helpful in thinking about ways to care for myself through the long days of winter and be more present to the unique pleasures it can bring.
May writes, “We have seasons when we flourish and seasons where the leaves fall from us, revealing our bones. Given time, they grow again.” I invite you to plan for your winter in ways that allow you time, space and enjoyment followed by savoring.
References:
May, K. (2020). Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times. Riverhead Books
Hanson, R. (2018). Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. Harmony Books
Photo Credits:
Winter and Coffee by Alex Padurariu on Unsplash
Kimber Andrews (she/her/hers) is currently a student in the University of Cincinnati’s Mental Health Counseling Program and is excited to be an intern at Rooted Compassion. As a counselor in training, Kimber is working towards a Trauma Responsive Care certification and brings experiences from her work as an educator, yoga and mindfulness instructor, and performing artist to her work with clients.
The Rooted Compassion team is made up of a group of counselors who have a variety of specialties in order to best serve our clients. We recognize that every person has his/her own personal and unique life experiences and that one modality will not work for every client. Listed below is a summary of our counselors’ specialties at Rooted Compassion:
Emotional Freedom Techniques
Grief Counseling
Somatic Focused Counseling
EMDR
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Dialectical Behavior Therapy
Mindfulness-Based Practices
Trauma Responsive Care Techniques
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
Drama Therapy/Expressive Arts
If you are interested in learning more about what Rooted Compassion is all about, please contact us today, look through our website, or find us on Instagram and Facebook.
Rooted Compassion Counseling is Ohio’s leading practice for trauma therapy through the lens of the nervous system. Our focus is to walk alongside clients as they heal from depression, anxiety, trauma, grief and/or loss. If you or someone you know are seeking to explore and build an inner sense of calm and safety, please contact us today. We would love to help you to find a counselor and counseling techniques that will guide you on your mental health journey to healing.