Cincinnati Therapist Shares Hope for Those Grieving During the Holiday Season
“Your absence is loud this holiday season.” – David Kessler
The Christmas candy and decorations on the store shelves immediately after Halloween remind us the holidays are coming, as the song lyrics go, “the most wonderful time of the year”. For those of us who are grieving, the thoughts, feelings, and body sensations evoked could not be further from that “wonderful” description. It doesn’t matter if you celebrate African American and Pan-African, Christian, Jewish, or other faith traditions, grief affects us all. It is a normal part of the human condition, and one that is experienced uniquely and individually by each person. Some may cry easily, some feel like an elephant is sitting on their chest, some feel like their legs are stuck in quicksand. I invite you to consider the “both/and” of grieving during the holidays. Acknowledge that grief is especially hard in this season (whether it is personal loss or a collective grief at the wars and suffering of people around our world) AND there is hope to alleviate the pain.
Tears are the silent language of grief. –Voltaire
The RAIN mindfulness reflection by psychologist and meditation teacher Tara Brach is a practice that can encourage hopefulness and inspire acceptance and peace. This skill enables us to honor what we are going through without judgment, and to grow in compassion for ourselves and others, which helps increase a sense of belonging and connectedness. The acronym RAIN stands for Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture. Let’s look at these now:
Recognize: Ask yourself, what emotion am I feeling right now? Name it. Is it sad, angry, fearful, lonely, discouraged, etc., or maybe a combination? What is the context of my current situation? What is here right now?
Allow: Give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel (feelings are neither right nor wrong, they just are; it’s what we choose to do with them that matters). Simply notice what you are thinking, any sensations in your body, and any actions (behaviors) you are taking/not taking, and what that means to you.
Investigate: Maybe enlist the curiosity of your inner detective to pay kind attention to what you are discovering through this RAIN process. Again, you may ask yourself questions like, what am I believing right now? What are my thoughts saying to me? What am I feeling in my body? Is there tension or tightness in a certain location (head, chest, gut, heart, leg, eyes, etc.)? Is there an action I can take to honor my grief, to honor my loved ones? What ritual might I continue or begin to give expression and respect to my grief?
Nurture: Here is where you can provide yourself with anything that brings you care and comfort. Ask yourself, what do I need now? What embodiment practice or movement might you do, such as placing a hand on your heart or a place on your body that feels tense or tight, and saying something like, “it’s ok, you are not alone.” Maybe you need some time for rest, eating a nutritious meal or snack, enjoying a hot or cold drink. Maybe going for a walk, writing a letter to your loved one, getting together with a friend.
May your hope and peace grow in this holiday season, even while you grieve.
You are not alone.
Photo Credit: Brenda Puckett
Reference:
Brach, Tara. Youtube. (2021) RAIN and Grieving, with Tara Brach
The Rooted Compassion team is made up of a group of counselors who have a variety of specialties in order to best serve our clients. We recognize that every person has his/her own personal and unique life experiences and that one modality will not work for every client. Listed below is a summary of our counselors’ specialties at Rooted Compassion:
Polyvagal Theory/Nervous System Focused Therapy
Trauma Responsive Care Techniques
Grief Counseling
Somatic Focused Counseling
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, EMDR
Dialectical Behavior Therapy
Mindfulness-Based Practices
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
Drama Therapy/Expressive Arts
If you are interested in learning more about what Rooted Compassion is all about, please contact us today, look through our website, or find us on Instagram and Facebook.
Rooted Compassion Counseling is Ohio’s leading practice for trauma therapy through the lens of the nervous system. Our focus is to walk alongside clients as they heal from depression, anxiety, trauma, grief and/or loss. If you or someone you know are seeking to explore and build an inner sense of calm and safety, please contact us today. We would love to help you to find a counselor and counseling techniques that will guide you on your mental health journey to healing.
