Cincinnati Counselor in Training Discusses the Importance of Radical Acceptance
I remember growing up there was a book called Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. I never thought I would resonate more with that children's book than I would as an adult.
Have you ever had those times when that terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day turns into a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week or even months?
Like most people I love to be in control and solve problems. Most of the time I tend to be pretty good at solving problems. However, until recently it feels as though life and the universe made a unanimous decision to drop their payload of misfortunes right on top of my head. If I were to get creative and identify my nervous system state throughout this current experience it would take the form of a rusted old clunker perched on 4 cement blocks, the cab hollowed out, sitting in the backyard behind some dilapidated house amidst a miserable North Dakota winter.
“Well, Brandon, have you tried to change how you feel about the problem?” Good question, because little else is more painful than being stuck in the constant vortex of wishing, wanting, or demanding things to be different than they are.
While my frustration and anxiety may be justified, it isn't the most helpful at the moment in helping me to attend to and enjoy other things in my life, much less solve the problem causing my distress.
What I feel is most important for me at this point is my ability to tolerate and accept the problem as it is without falling into ways of reacting that might make the situation worse or send me into a spiral of absolute shutdown.
One of the hardest skills to master in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), yet one that brings with it a tremendous sense of freedom and relief comes from the Distress Tolerance module: Radical Acceptance.
Right now, I’m facing an incredibly undesirable situation that no matter what I do, who I talk to, there is no other option but to accept the facts in front of me.
Radical Acceptance is the complete and total openness to the facts of reality as they are.
Allowing ourselves to let go of resisting those things you cannot control as well as that insatiable need for an immediate fix to the undesirable situation.
You might be asking yourself, “So Brandon, you're telling me that I have to just accept the dreadful and horrific things that happen?” Or you might be thinking, “that just sounds like I’m giving up, that I approve of what is happening to me”.
Well, reader, amazing question. Radical Acceptance doesn’t mean we roll over and give up nor does it mean that we approve of what is happening to us. It is the ability to acknowledge just those facts that must be accepted.
Once we make the choice to endure only then can we start to see what is possible.
The rejecting, denying, or multitude of other ways to rage against reality never really change the facts and rarely ever leave us with a sense of peace.
Embracing the concept of Radical Acceptance liberated me from the constant wish for my reality to be different than what it is (and man oh man did I wish I was in almost any other reality). It granted me the freedom to respond as effectively as I can to the situation at hand unfettered by the weight of my voracious appetite for immediate resolution.
Photo Credit: Alysha Rosly @sharmine27
Reference:
LINEHAN, M. M. (2017). Overview of Radical Acceptance Skills. In DBT skills training manual (pp. 450–466). essay, GUILFORD.
The Rooted Compassion team is made up of a group of counselors who have a variety of specialties in order to best serve our clients. We recognize that every person has his/her own personal and unique life experiences and that one modality will not work for every client. Listed below is a summary of our counselors’ specialties at Rooted Compassion:
Polyvagal Theory/Nervous System Focused Therapy
Trauma Responsive Care Techniques
Grief Counseling
Somatic Focused Counseling
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, EMDR
Dialectical Behavior Therapy
Mindfulness-Based Practices
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
Drama Therapy/Expressive Arts
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Rooted Compassion Counseling is Ohio’s leading practice for trauma therapy through the lens of the nervous system. Our focus is to walk alongside clients as they heal from depression, anxiety, trauma, grief and/or loss. If you or someone you know are seeking to explore and build an inner sense of calm and safety, please contact us today. We would love to help you to find a counselor and counseling techniques that will guide you on your mental health journey to healing.
