Finding Meaning in Your Grief and How Grief Counseling Can Get You There
Spring, the season associated with new life and blossoming trees and flowers, is here. Yet, if you are grieving a loss, it may be very hard to enjoy the beauty of this fresh season.
May you offer yourself the time and space you need to grieve and heal, regardless of what others may tell you, because many misconceptions exist around grief. So, let's begin by defining some terms to assist us in navigating the nuances of this complex topic.
Grief – “A natural and normal reaction to any type of loss that one must go through to find healing and to move onward” is one definition by Tim McQuade (2016, Spiritual Care Coordinator at Lindner Center of Hope). Grief can also be defined as deep and poignant distress or sorrow caused by a bereavement. Grief can actually cause physical symptoms called the pangs of grief felt in various places in our body.
Bereavement – the state or fact of being bereaved or deprived of someone or something; the state of living while adapting to a loss. That word “deprived” is so appropriate; we can even feel that death has deprived us of a necessary part of our very being.
Mourning – the outward expression of deep sorrow, or the process one goes through in adapting to a death or loss. Traditionally, folks would dress only in black clothing for a time after the death of their loved one, signifying to others that they were “in mourning”.
Loss – actual or perceived “harm or privation resulting from losing or being separated from someone or something” (Webster's Dictionary).
Complicated Grief – when grief is left unresolved or not addressed, trauma can “override the grief response” (Prokop, M.S., 2019) and the individual can become “stuck” in the initial stages of loss. When this occurs, grief therapy can help the suffering person get “unstuck” in their mourning and facilitate normal adaptation. Grief counseling can be beneficial to anyone who is in bereavement as a support of the normal response in adapting to loss/death.
Anticipatory Grief – As the term implies, this type of grief begins before the loved one's passing. Some examples are when the loved one is battling an illness like certain cancers that produce shortened life expectancy, and persons living with Alzheimer's Disease and Dementia. Check out this article for support of anticipatory grief related to older persons: https://www.vnsny.org/article/5-steps-for-dealing-with-anticipatory-grief/
Many of us are familiar with Elizabeth Kubler Ross' model of the Five Stages of Grief:
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
It is important to note that these emotional processes are fluid and dynamic, rather than linear. While grieving, our emotions can feel muddled and sometimes profoundly debilitating. One can experience deep sadness and low energy, crying that comes unexpectedly and with force, irritability and lack of normal patience, brain fog and inability to concentrate, anger and frustration, etc.
International grief expert David Kessler, (www.grief.com) who worked with Kubler Ross and coauthored two books with her (“Life Lessons” and “On Grief and Grieving”) before her death, has since added a 6th Stage of Grief, called “Finding Meaning”.
Along with trying to make meaning of things, our brains are hardwired for safety and social connection. That sense of connection - with others, and with self - is what can help us continue going on and living our lives after our loss. Experiencing grief can feel like a disconnection, and one significant way to journey through the grieving process and find re-connection is to notice what is going on in our bodies, specifically in our nervous system. Dr. Stephen Porges developed Polyvagal Theory after years of research into the human nervous system and the neurobiological mind-body connection. In future blogs, I will explore more about how “The Body Keeps The Score” (author Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.) and how our vagus nerve is programmed to alert our body and mind to safety or threat of danger. Please see information on our website for more about the Polyvagal Theory.
“What was once enjoyed and deeply loved, we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes part of us.”
Resources:
McQuade, T. (2016, February). Exploring Grief and Loss presentation.
Prokop, M.S. (2020, March 9). Trauma, PTSD & Complicated Grief, PESI Workshop.
Brenda Puckett, MA, LPC, is passionate about working with women and all clients as they face issues in all seasons of life. She works from a mindfulness and strengths-based approach, centered on your goals, using the latest neuroscience to incorporate the mind body connection in healing. She can provide you with tools and support as you work through common issues we all may face in life: depression, anxiety, transitions, relationship challenges, grief/loss, childhood trauma, aging gracefully, etc. We are thrilled to have Brenda as a part of our Rooted Compassion Counseling team!
The Rooted Compassion team is made up of a group of counselors who have a variety of specialties in order to best serve our clients. We recognize that every person has his/her own personal and unique life experiences and that one modality will not work for every client. Listed below is a summary of our counselors’ specialties at Rooted Compassion:
Emotional Freedom Techniques
Grief Counseling
Somatic Focused Counseling
EMDR
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Dialectical Behavior Therapy
Mindfulness-Based Practices
Trauma Responsive Care Techniques
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
Motivational Interviewing
Gottman Couples Counseling
If you are interested in learning more about what Rooted Compassion is all about, please contact us today, look through our website, or find us on Instagram and Facebook.
Rooted Compassion Counseling is Ohio’s leading practice for trauma therapy through the lens of the nervous system. Our focus is to walk alongside clients as they heal from depression, anxiety, trauma, grief and/or loss. If you or someone you know are seeking to explore and build an inner sense of calm and safety, please contact us today. We would love to help you to find a counselor and counseling techniques that will guide you on your mental health journey to healing.