Cincinnati Counselor in Training Shares How He Uses Dialectical Thinking to Bring About Hope and Movement
My first exposure to Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) came during my time as a Therapeutic Program Worker working on an inpatient psychiatric unit.
When I first came across this type of therapy I was absolutely clueless. I had never even heard of the word dialectical before.
I remember thinking “Jeez, this sounds super complicated, how the heck am I supposed to teach this, I’ve never even heard of this word?”
However, as I started to ask (maybe too many) questions to my unit psychologist as well as scouring the internet for resources to aid in my quest to unravel the mysteries of the enigmatic word known as ‘dialectic’, the meaning became clearer.
Little did I know then that this word would lead to such a dramatic shift in how I think, understand, and interact with myself, others and the world at large.
At the core of dialectics is the recognition that reality consists of opposing tensions, forces, or polarities, and that these opposites can be resolved through a process called synthesis. In DBT, the main polarity that Marsah Linehan discusses is the apparent contradiction between Acceptance and Change. If you believe you could benefit from this type of therapy I encourage you to visit Dr. Linehan’s website https://behavioraltech.org/ to learn more.
Another way of encapsulating the key idea of dialectics is that two seemingly contradictory ideas, situations, feelings etc. can be true at the same time. An example of a dialectical statement may look like this:
“There are times I need to both control my emotions AND tolerate my emotions.”
“I can want to change and be doing the best I can AND still need to do better, try harder, and be more motivated to change.”
“I can accept myself the way I am AND still want to change.”
“I am disappointed by the situation, and I accept it how it is.”
“There is a great deal of suffering in the world, and there is so much beauty.”
“People are fundamentally good, and they are capable of terrible things.”
From the examples above we can see that there are two parts to these statements. One side you have the thesis and on the other you have the antithesis. Instead of trying to figure out which side is more right, or determining ways these two sides could coexist, the dialectical approach calls for something else. This consists of identifying the valid core of each thesis and antithesis and then to find a synthesis that includes each to form a new proposition.
Now, particularly in times when our nervous system becomes dysregulated, we fall into a tendency to see situations as very cut and dry, or black and white, as just seeing either the thesis and antithesis.
In some ways this may be a beneficial survival skill as it makes things more predictable, even safe. But, as with most things in life, when taken to the extreme, this dichotomy may inadvertently limit how we respond to stressful and overwhelming situations in our lives.
Once we take a step back, breath, and rediscover the middle ground or what we previously missed in our thinking, in our responses, or in how we communicate to and with others we can see that life is typically far more complex and multifaceted than we realized. Through the lens of dialectics we gain a better vantage point from which to see the validity of both the sides of a situation. The resulting synthesis can lead to more effective responses that help us to feel safer in our relationship with ourselves, others, and the world around us.
Use these 3 tips to begin thinking and acting more dialectically:
1) Stepping out of all or nothing
All or nothing, black and white thinking is characterized by extremes in which we rigidly and steadfastly hold to one position or vacillate quickly between them, missing what’s in between. I find it helpful in these instances to remind myself that there is always more than one side to anything that exists and to make a concerted effort to look for the validity in both sides. Unique to DBT is the skill of Wise Mind, which asks us to draw upon our inner well of wisdom inherent in all of us. Accessing Wise Mind can be done through a number of mindfulness exercises. One important question to ask your Wise Mind is this: what am I missing?, what things am I leaving out of my understanding of this situation?, or what is the kernel of truth on the other side?
2) Be aware that you are connected
Dialectics reminds us that everything and every person is connected in some way. I encourage you to look deeply and see the ways in which we are connected and are part of a larger whole. If you’ve ever seen the 2005 Ashton Kutcher vehicle The Butterfly Effect this follows the same idea that even the slightest move the butterfly affects the furthest star (both literal stars and even beloved actor Ashton Kutcher). In times of stress and frustration it is normal to lose our understanding of the connection between ourselves and others. When my brother does something I don’t like there is a tendency I’ve noticed within myself where my attention narrows to the view that this is something that he is doing to me that must be fixed or avoided. The problem with this viewpoint is that it leaves out the millions of strands of cause and effect that give rise to this moment. The antidote to this kind of thinking is to stay aware of the ways in which we are bound to one another. One way to do this is to look for the similarities we share with each other and the ways in which we are connected to each other.
3) Realize that change is the only constant
Working on an inpatient psychiatric unit can be quite challenging for any number of reasons but when I felt overwhelmed and on the breaking point, I remembered the third principle of the dialectic worldview: Flux. Psychologist Charles Swenson explains that “at every second, everything has changed from the previous second: every molecule, every structure, every relationship, and every idea” (Swenson, 2018, p. 92). I know that at times when I’ve struggled it seems like the only constant is the thing that is creating so much stress in my life. In those times I’ve found myself resigned to my static perception. This principle reminds us that quite literally nothing stays the same. Even when it feels like we are making no progress, mired in hopelessness and frustration, this principle can provide a much needed antidote to this feeling of being stuck. I'm a nerd at heart and immediately when I read more about this idea of flux I was snapped back to a crystalline moment in my youth hearing the words of one of my anime protagonists shout at the denouement of the series that encapsulates this idea of flux:
“We evolve beyond the person we were a minute before! Little by little, we advance a bit further with each turn. That's how a drill works!!”.
Being dialectical is the cornerstone of Dialectical Behavior Therapy. It has taught me to embrace the myriad of contradictions present in our lives, to strive to cultivate balance between two seemingly opposing ideas and rediscover hope where it may have been lost. The wisdom and hope I’ve gained through learning about dialectics and DBT cannot be understated. So, I invite you to explore how these principles can be applied to your own life. Taken together this type of thinking can allow you to move flexibly and confidently when faced with paralysis, ambiguity, or conflict.
References:
Swenson, C. R. (2018). In DBT principles in action: Acceptance, change, and Dialectics (pp. 92). essay, Guilford Press.
Photo Credits:
Sky by Colton Duke on Unsplash
Brandon Mueller (he/him/his) is currently a student in the Clinical Mental Health Counseling Program at Xavier University and is excited to be an intern at Rooted Compassion. As a counselor in training, Brandon brings experiences from his work as a direct care provider to his work with clients. He has experience working with individuals who struggle with trauma, anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and symptoms associated with Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder.
The Rooted Compassion team is made up of a group of counselors who have a variety of specialties in order to best serve our clients. We recognize that every person has his/her own personal and unique life experiences and that one modality will not work for every client. Listed below is a summary of our counselors’ specialties at Rooted Compassion:
Emotional Freedom Techniques
Grief Counseling
Somatic Focused Counseling
EMDR
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Dialectical Behavior Therapy
Mindfulness-Based Practices
Trauma Responsive Care Techniques
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
Drama Therapy/Expressive Arts
If you are interested in learning more about what Rooted Compassion is all about, please contact us today, look through our website, or find us on Instagram and Facebook.
Rooted Compassion Counseling is Ohio’s leading practice for trauma therapy through the lens of the nervous system. Our focus is to walk alongside clients as they heal from depression, anxiety, trauma, grief and/or loss. If you or someone you know are seeking to explore and build an inner sense of calm and safety, please contact us today. We would love to help you to find a counselor and counseling techniques that will guide you on your mental health journey to healing.
