Cincinnati Therapist Embarks on the Journey of Understanding your Child’s Challenging Behavior (Part 2) Cultivating Resilience in Children
"The more healthy relationships a child has, the more likely they are to recover from trauma and thrive. Relationships are the agents of change, and the most powerful therapy is human love." - Dr. Bruce Perry
Parenting is a profound journey, filled with moments of joy, challenge, and continuous opportunities for growth. As caregivers, we are entrusted with guiding our children through a myriad of experiences that shape their emotional resilience and adaptive behaviors.
Understanding the Window of Tolerance:
Imagine a metaphorical window that represents a child's capacity to cope with stressors. This window of tolerance acts as a stress thermostat, fluctuating based on factors such as age, temperament, and past experiences. Within this window, children feel safe, regulated, and capable of handling challenges effectively.
It's natural (and important!) for children to occasionally venture beyond this window, especially when faced with stressors. It can be helpful to familiarize ourselves with the signs that our child may be moving outside of their window of tolerance. These signs may include heightened emotions, difficulty concentrating, physical symptoms, or even withdrawal from social interaction and shut-down behaviors. By recognizing these signs, parents can intervene, scaffold support, and help their child regulate their emotions before they become overwhelmed. This pattern of dysregulation to co-regulation can, over time, work to expand a child’s window of tolerance. This expansion of the window of tolerance ultimately contributes to the child's resilience, as they become better equipped to handle stressors and challenges in their environment.
Parenting Strategies to Support the Window of Tolerance:
Establish a Safe and Predictable Environment: Consistency and routine instill a sense of security and stability in children, expanding their window of tolerance. Predictable daily routines and clear expectations reduce anxiety and uncertainty, allowing children to explore, take risks, and challenge themselves. Feeling secure in their environment enables children to try new things, make mistakes, and engage in learning experiences essential for their development and resilience.
Promote Emotional Regulation Skills: Teach children age-appropriate strategies for managing their emotions, including deep breathing exercises, mindfulness techniques, and expressing feelings through art or play. These practices help children regulate their emotions in moments of stress, become more present in the moment without judgment, and externalize and process their emotions in a safe and creative environment.
Engage in Co-Regulation: Parents can demonstrate healthy emotional regulation by remaining calm and supportive during challenging situations. Providing comfort, validation, and reassurance can help children regulate their emotions and return to their window of tolerance. Being self-aware of what is happening within our own nervous system is essential when caring for the nervous systems of our children.
Dr. Ross Greene, a clinical psychologist known for his work in child psychology, reminds us that "Behavior is communication." When children exhibit challenging behaviors, they are expressing something significant about their inner world. Approaching challenging behaviors with curiosity and empathy not only allows us to regulate our nervous systems, it enables us to understand the underlying needs and emotions driving the behaviors of our children, fostering meaningful connection and growth.
Dr. Becky Kennedy, a renowned child psychologist, emphasizes two fundamental emotional needs crucial for children's healthy development: feeling seen and believing they are good. Feeling seen involves being understood, accepted, and valued for who they are. Parents or caregivers achieve this through co-regulation, by attuning to a child's emotions, thoughts, and experiences, and responding with empathy and understanding. When children feel seen, they feel validated and respected, contributing to their sense of security and self-worth.
Believing they are good encompasses children's self-perception and self-esteem. It involves internalizing a positive sense of identity and feeling confident in their abilities and worthiness as individuals. Parents nurture this belief by providing positive reinforcement, encouragement, and acknowledgment of their children's strengths, efforts, and accomplishments. When children believe they are good, they develop resilience, self-confidence, and a positive outlook on themselves and the world around them.
Acknowledging these two fundamental needs and actively working to fulfill them allows parents to create a supportive and nurturing environment that fosters their children's emotional well-being, self-confidence, and resilience. Dan Siegel emphasizes, "Connection is the key to healing." When parents attune to their children's needs with empathy and understanding, they lay the foundation for resilience and well-being.
For parents, prioritizing self-care is not just beneficial but essential to this process. Seeking support from therapists can provide valuable guidance and tools to help us care for our own nervous systems, ensuring that we are emotionally and mentally available to support our children effectively. By taking care of our own mental and emotional well-being, we create a nurturing environment that fosters our children's emotional well-being and resilience, ultimately contributing to a brighter future for the entire family.
If you are interested in exploring the power of counseling, Keri Perdrix MA, LPC, has immediate openings!
The Rooted Compassion team is made up of a group of counselors who have a variety of specialties in order to best serve our clients. We recognize that every person has his/her own personal and unique life experiences and that one modality will not work for every client. Listed below is a summary of our counselors’ specialties at Rooted Compassion:
Polyvagal Theory/Nervous System Focused Therapy
Trauma Responsive Care Techniques
Grief Counseling
Somatic Focused Counseling
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, EMDR
Dialectical Behavior Therapy
Mindfulness-Based Practices
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
Drama Therapy/Expressive Arts
If you are interested in learning more about what Rooted Compassion is all about, please contact us today, look through our website, or find us on Instagram and Facebook.
Rooted Compassion Counseling is Ohio’s leading practice for trauma therapy through the lens of the nervous system. Our focus is to walk alongside clients as they heal from depression, anxiety, trauma, grief and/or loss. If you or someone you know are seeking to explore and build an inner sense of calm and safety, please contact us today. We would love to help you to find a counselor and counseling techniques that will guide you on your mental health journey to healing.
