Cincinnati Therapist Explains the Importance of Unleashing Your Inner Child (and Teenager) in Couples Therapy
Forget teddy bears and coloring books – in couples therapy, we're talking about welcoming a different kind of "kid" to the session: your inner child and teenager. Think back to the beginning of your relationship. You likely put your best foot forward, right? This holds true for our inner selves too. Our inner child and teenager analyze early interactions, gauging how well we meet each other's needs (healthy or not!). As the relationship deepens, these younger parts become more involved.
The inner child emerges when triggered, seeking comfort or protection. The inner teenager acts as a shield, lashing out or shutting down to manage those childhood wounds.
These responses from the nervous system, mostly related to trauma, are difficult to address on a cognitive level as they are autonomic.
Here's an example used by Janina Fisher in her training "Healing the Trauma Legacy in Couples Therapy" (2022): Let's say your partner enjoys a drink, but your inner child associates alcohol with your parents' past problems and the resulting neglect or abandonment. Your inner teenager, angry at this breach of trust, steps in, accusing your partner and trying to control the situation. This might trigger your partner's inner child, bringing up feelings of shame and being unlovable, as they were often yelled at by their parents. Depending on their attachment style, their inner teenager might withdraw or shut down, unable to feel or speak, experiencing a repeating familiar pattern from their childhood. This back-and-forth can leave you both feeling confused and disconnected. You might wonder, "Why didn't I see this coming?" The answer? Our inner child and teenager often stay hidden during the "honeymoon" phase, causing us to miss red flags.
In couples therapy, we explore these internal dialogues, triggers, and behaviors that stem from traumatic childhood experiences. Ignoring them can disrupt your connection and lead to thoughts like, "They've suddenly changed!" or "I picked the wrong person!"
Think of therapy as getting to know all the members of your partnership. By understanding our inner children and teenagers, we can foster growth, improve communication, and deepen our connection. So, bring those "kids" along! We'll help you explore the roots of your behavior, understand reactions, and build a stronger bond.
If you are interested in exploring the power of counseling, whether individual or as a couple, Nicole Kreutzer MA, LPC, has immediate openings!
The Rooted Compassion team is made up of a group of counselors who have a variety of specialties in order to best serve our clients. We recognize that every person has his/her own personal and unique life experiences and that one modality will not work for every client. Listed below is a summary of our counselors’ specialties at Rooted Compassion:
Polyvagal Theory/Nervous System Focused Therapy
Trauma Responsive Care Techniques
Grief Counseling
Somatic Focused Counseling
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, EMDR
Dialectical Behavior Therapy
Mindfulness-Based Practices
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
Drama Therapy/Expressive Arts
If you are interested in learning more about what Rooted Compassion is all about, please contact us today, look through our website, or find us on Instagram and Facebook.
Rooted Compassion Counseling is Ohio’s leading practice for trauma therapy through the lens of the nervous system. Our focus is to walk alongside clients as they heal from depression, anxiety, trauma, grief and/or loss. If you or someone you know are seeking to explore and build an inner sense of calm and safety, please contact us today. We would love to help you to find a counselor and counseling techniques that will guide you on your mental health journey to healing.
