Supporting Kids Through Holiday Gatherings

The holidays are filled with moments that make us smile—kids laughing with cousins, the cozy feeling of family gathered around a table, and memories that linger long after the last cookie is eaten. But the holiday magic can come with a lot of sensory overload for our little ones. Big groups, noisy environments, and routines thrown out the window can quickly disrupt their sense of calm. If you’ve ever found yourself chasing a sugar-fueled child through a crowded living room, or trying to soothe big tears over a toy dispute, you know the holidays aren’t always as peaceful as they seem.

Take, for example, a holiday dinner at Grandma’s. Your child starts the evening feeling shy, clinging to your leg as relatives greet them with hellos. They’re quiet at first, hanging back or playing alone in the corner. But then, something shifts. Before you know it, they’re running through the house, shrieking, grabbing toys, and interrupting conversations. The calm is gone, replaced by wild energy.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. It's easy to see the high-energy behavior and wonder, “What’s gotten into you?” But often, we miss the earlier signs of hypoarousal—the quieter moments that come before the chaos.

That initial withdrawal or “zoning out” is your child’s nervous system slipping into hypoarousal. It’s a state where their body slows down in response to feeling overwhelmed. They might seem bored or disconnected, almost like they’re in a fog. Hypoarousal can be uncomfortable, and your child’s nervous system instinctively seeks a way to feel better. To pull themselves out of this fog, they often shift into hyperarousal—they run, yell, or get into everyone’s space. It can seem like misbehaving, but what they’re really doing is trying to regulate themselves by increasing energy to break through that fog.

Family gatherings are tricky for kids’ nervous systems. The noise and bustle of a crowded house, long stretches of “grown-up” conversation, and disrupted routines with late nights make it harder for their bodies to stay in balance. When there’s so much sensory input and unpredictability, it’s no wonder their nervous systems struggle to keep up. And when the hyperactive behaviors start, it’s a clear signal from their system: “Help me regulate!” Their body is asking for support to find its balance again and feel safe.

Recognizing the signs of hypoarousal early can help you step in before the wild behavior takes over. Watch for moments when your child becomes quieter or disengaged. That’s your cue to offer a reset and bring them back into balance.

Try something like, “You’ve been sitting for a while—let’s go outside and jump around for a minute!” or “Want to help me carry the cookies to the table?” Little activities like these can help your child “wake up” in a way that’s safe and grounded. And if they’re not ready to move, offering quiet connection—like sitting beside them or gently rubbing their back—can help them feel re-engaged with the group without pressure.

When the wild energy starts, try, “Wow, I see so much energy in your body right now! Let’s use it together—come with me, let’s run outside for a bit!” This acknowledges their need for movement, while helping them channel that energy in a positive way.

This holiday season, let’s remember that the laughter and connection we crave often come from leaning into the messy, imperfect moments. By supporting our children’s nervous systems, we create space for those beautiful, chaotic memories to unfold.